A Family Decision: How to Prepare Your Own Children for Fostering

For many people considering becoming foster carers, the question that weighs most heavily isn't "Can I do this?" but "How will fostering affect my own children?"

This is a valid and crucial concern. The truth is, fostering is not just a parental commitment; it is a whole-family decision. When approached with honesty, open communication, and proactive planning, the fostering journey can be incredibly positive, fostering empathy, patience, and resilience in your birth children.

Here is practical, actionable advice on how to prepare your entire family for this rewarding, life-changing chapter.

1. Open Communication: Making it a Family Discussion

The first and most important step is to bring your children into the conversation early and often. Don't spring the idea on them; instead, use age-appropriate language to explain the why behind your decision.

For Young Children (Under 8): Frame it simply, focusing on the concepts of safety and temporary help. You can say: "We have lots of love and a safe space in our home, and some children need a safe place to stay for a while until their own parents can look after them again." Use storybooks and age-appropriate media to talk about different families and emotions.

For Older Children and Teens (Ages 9+): Engage them in a more mature discussion about the need for foster carers and the role they could play. Be honest about the emotional dynamics, the need for confidentiality, and how parental time may shift. By respecting their intelligence and input, you empower them to feel like part of the solution, not a passive bystander.

2. Involvement and Shared Ownership

When children feel they have a voice and a role in the decision, they are far more likely to support the process and feel invested in its success. Shift the focus from "losing space" to "creating a welcome."

The Decision-Making Team: Let them feel empowered to discuss what they are comfortable with. Ask: "Are you willing to share your toys and parents' time?" Their readiness and willingness are essential for a stable placement.

Design the Welcome: Give your children ownership over preparing for the new arrival. They could help choose the bedroom colours, select a few new toys or books, or help put together the welcome package. This allows them to positively channel their excitement and energy.

Establish Sacred Spaces: To ease anxieties about sharing, clearly designate items or areas that are sacred. Allow them to pack a special box of their most cherished possessions that are "off-limits." Reassure them that their privacy and sense of security remain your top priority.

3. Managing the Challenges Proactively

Fostering inevitably brings challenges, and it's essential to validate your birth children's feelings when tough moments arise, rather than dismissing them.

Scheduling Dedicated Time': Schedule regular, dedicated one-on-one time with your birth children that cannot be interrupted by fostering duties. This special time reaffirms your love and ensures they don't feel overlooked or pushed away.

Handling Jealousy and Attention: If a foster child is struggling and requires significant attention, your birth child might show signs of jealousy. Explain to them that the foster child's needs are often tied to something they may not have received in the past and how lucky you're family is to be able to provide that love and support to another child. This teaches empathy while reminding them that your love for them is unconditional.

The Rule of Confidentiality: Teach the importance of confidentiality by establishing a simple, clear rule: "We only share the foster child's story with people who need to know to help them." This simple phrase helps children understand that this is about respect and protection.

By involving your children every step of the way, you won't just be gaining a foster child—you'll be fostering empathy, resilience, and a deeper sense of family in your own children, transforming a challenge into a rewarding life lesson for the entire household.

Help us make a life-changing difference

Ready to explore a rewarding path this autumn? If you are interested in learning more about fostering, we encourage you to get in touch with us today.

This year, give back and transform lives—starting with fostering.

For more information, visit our FAQs page, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, & TikTok or give us a call today. Let’s make 2025 a year to remember!

If you want to give something back and would like to discuss a career in fostering, please get in touch today.

Read more about our application process here.

Healing Pasts | Building Futures
Since 1988

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